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My Sweet Angel

My Sweet Angel
4/6/09 4:45 pm 4 lbs 1 oz 17 inches

Monday, March 10, 2014

This year doesn't suck (as much)

Every year as March rolls around I am always so conflicted.  I'm usually working on plans for Ella and Andrew and Elise's birthdays.  2 of them are "happy" and one is the opposite, but I stay busy and try not to dwell.  Then as April comes and goes I tend to reevaluate my life.  I look at where I was in April/May 2008 (innocent) April/May 2009 (destroyed) 2010 (confused) 2011 (some normalcy) 2012 (wanting more) 2013 (waking up) 2014 (moving on).  It was last year that I started to see a glimpse of the "old" me....the me before Elise's death.  I was certainly a much different person, but the fog was lifting.  I was finally craving living again and here I am another year later living!  It will be 5 years since my life changed so dramatically and I'm finally moving in the right direction!  I still miss her so much and always wonder what might have been, but it doesn't consume me.  I was down on myself this year for not going through with my plan for a big fundraiser for her birthday this year. but now I've realized I've given her something even better...a healthy mom, moving toward happiness, continuing to keep her spirit alive and raise awareness.  I know she would be proud and really, that's all I want as a mom...for my kids to know they are loved and for them to be able to look up to me for courage and strength, like I do them every day!
Very strange to be able to write without crying and also having the last few "unprovoked" cries to be "happy" ones. 

2 comments:

Hallie Schumaker said...

Dear Kelly,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Elise - what a beautiful baby girl! I work for a company, Everlasting Memories, and I'm wondering if you would have any interest in doing a product critique in honor of your Elise.
My email is hallieschumaker@gmail.com or you can reach me via my work email hallie@evrmemories.com and I can explain further.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Best regards,
Hallie Schumaker

Hallie Schumaker said...

Dear Kelly,
Just checking in to see if you had given any thought to doing a product critique in honor of Elise. Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions.

Best regards,
Hallie

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