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My Sweet Angel

My Sweet Angel
4/6/09 4:45 pm 4 lbs 1 oz 17 inches

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Something New

All I have of you is what I had of you.
Obviously, I can't take pictures of you as you grow

I think I might be ready to share something new (to the world) of you.

Looking back through the pictures I do have,
I realized that on the day you entered this world,
Your brother was the age you'd be now.

This video is from the morning of April 6, 2009
It was Spring Break, so your 4 year old sister (slightly older than the age your brother is today) did not have pre-school.
She attended the Mommy and Me Fundamentals class with us that morning.

I remember feeling the contractions during this class.  Wondering if you were really going to make your appearance almost a month early.  I wasn't ready, but I was excited at the thought of meeting you.
As I wrote in your birth story, when we left Fundamentals, We ran some errands...Toys R Us, Barnes and Noble, and Walmart.   Then we went to lunch at the diner.  I had to start swaying through the contractions now coming every 15 minutes or so.  I still wasn't convinced you were coming.  By the time we got home and I tried to put everyone down for a nap, I think I knew in the back of my mind that this was really it.  I had to throw a load of laundry in the washer so you'd have something to wear.  I packed preemie sized  clothes since none of my babies are born "newborn" size.  There was a pink outfit and a white outfit, just in case you were a boy.  You know, it was the first time we found out the sex of our baby before birth, and I was still a little skeptical!
I had suggested putting you in that white outfit for your baptism, but the nurse told me that they had something for you to wear.  That was fine, but looking back, I do wish I would have known I could have bathed you and dressed you.  Why would I know?  Who knows what you can and can't do with a dead baby?  Who thinks to ask these things?
I remember feeling like I was doing something wrong when I was peeking at your body under the blankets.  Your skin was so wrinkled and peeling off, but you were perfect.  Beautiful.  I'd give anything to be able to hold you again.


Sapierce87 said...

Its perfect Kelly, I am so glad that you speak out about how you feel and allow others to see its not something that is uncommon. I only wish I had even half thought to have some of the photos of Destiny and I that you have of Elise and you.

Unknown said...

Almost every day I think of how bad I wish I would've taken a picture of Sawyers feet. Idk why it bothers me to the extent it does, but I just wish I would've taken that one extra picture.. Love this post! Seriously, who knows what you can and can't do? No one should have to.

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