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My Sweet Angel

My Sweet Angel
4/6/09 4:45 pm 4 lbs 1 oz 17 inches

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day...from a mother of 5!

So, I know I joke a lot about these kids driving me crazy and wanting to hide from them and while I do mean it, lol, I am truly and deeply honored to be their mother.  I feel so blessed to have the children that I have and for all the ways they have shaped my life.
First there was Emily...a much wanted pregnancy at age 18 that then rocked my teenage self into a new reality.  She was supposed to "save" our relationship...fix it, or so her father and I thought, but alas that wasn't the case.  We were not meant to be...but Emily sure was!  It was because of her I grew up.  A single mom at 18 living in my mother's basement going to college full time in the fall and spring, then working full time in the summer and winter.  By 20, we were on our own.  Living alone in a pretty crappy apartment, but it was all mine.  I paid for it and took care of it, all on my own.  Just like I did my 1 year old little girl.  Again, while going to school and working.  This time I changed my major to my passion, children...teaching children.  Emily showed me how much I loved little people.  Emily taught me discipline and perseverance and selflessness.  She taught me love and patience and caring.  By the time she turned 6, I had finally finished college and earned my bachelor's degree.  I don't know that I would have done that had she not been born.
Then there was Autumn.  If you know Autumn then you know that she can sure teach you a lot!  She was a tough baby, but I loved every minute of it (well, after the first few months anyway).  She represented the life I had always dreamed of.  I was married, teaching, living in a home we just built and now having my second child.
Everything was going so smoothly, so we thought we'd add to the mix.  I was loving life as a stay at home mom, and I wanted more children to stay home with.  Andrew was the perfect addition.  He brought a sense of balance to the family and tossed some testosterone into such an estrogen filled house!  Of course it did take him almost 3 years to realize that he was in fact a boy.
Shortly after he turned 1, we pushed our luck, by trying for a fourth baby.  Who knew I'd again get pregnant on the first try!  I felt like I could conquer the world.  I already had 3 amazing children, a fourth on the way, and so close to getting my master's degree I could taste it!  Life was moving along perfectly.  Of course it wasn't moving smoothly as times were often tough juggling so much, but it was heading in the right direction and the future looked promising!
I'm sure anyone reading this knows how quickly and forcefully it all crashed in front of my face.  Elise's death affected me so deeply.  It changed me.  I know I will come out a better person for it, but that is still a work in progress.  I am truly thankful for my sweet little angel.  She, too, has taught me so much, given me so much.  I have met some amazing people I never would have come in contact with if it wasn't for her.  I could go on and on for days about all that she has done for me, but that isn't my purpose here.  I have her blog for sharing that.
Finally there's Ella.  Ella was (is) absolutely a gift from God (and Elise)  I feel that she was sent here to slow my life down.  It was spiraling downward and out of control quickly in the summer of 2009 when I found out she was coming.  She too, forced me to stop thinking about myself and focus again on my children.  I needed to get myself together, for these beings that I brought into this world.  She continues to show me everyday why I was put on this earth.
It's funny, my E's and A's, both "sets" of children go together.  Emily, Elise, and Ella really made a noticeable impact on the course of my life, while Autumn and Andrew gave fulfillment and simplicity.  I could not imagine a day without any of them in it.  They most definitely  fit the saying that having a child is to forever have your heart live outside your body.  I love each and every one of my children with every fiber of my being and together, all those fibers make me one strong ass mama!!!

Onto my story about Emily that inspired this long winded, sappy note...

Traveling home from visiting my in-laws in New Jersey for Mother's Day, we decided to stop and eat at Denny's.  Our waitress was pretty new to the job and also a new mommy.  She was very friendly and attentive to the kids.  There was a slight mix up in my food order which was simply a miscommunication on both of our parts, but her boss was less than nice about it to her.  Anyway, we paid our bill and left.  As we got to our van, Emily handed me the tip money I left on the table and said that "she got it".  I was touched that she did that, but almost in tears when I heard the rest of the story...
I asked where she got money to leave a tip and she said that her grandmother gave her some before we left New Jersey.  TWICE as much as I had left as a tip originally!  Emily's response, "she was nice, mom"  I love that girl!  She has such a good heart and I couldn't be more proud to be her mommy.  She made my mother's day, and it wasn't even an effort on her part, just her being her


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