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My Sweet Angel

My Sweet Angel
4/6/09 4:45 pm 4 lbs 1 oz 17 inches

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

How are you?

I've heard that so much recently, with Elise's Angelversary passing.
I know it is asked with good intentions.
Sometimes just as a pleasantry in conversation, sometimes with pure intent to really know how I'm doing...but how does one answer that?
I've always wondered the correct way to respond, even more so in the last 2 years.
Do I give the ole' "I'm fine" or "Not too bad" or do I really tell the truth?
"Right this minute?  I'm about to burst into tears."
"Just trying to find a way to live without my daughter."
"Wishing I was going to wake up from this nightmare sometime soon"
"Suicidal" (that one is a whole different entry that I have already started writing...luckily it isn't how I've felt in quite a while)

It's funny how things happen when they do.  I started this post a few days ago (along with about 4 others), but didn't "publish" it.  No real reason, just felt it wasn't "done"  Then today, floating around Facebook on some of the many Angel Mommy pages I belong to, was this

Now, I think my post is done and ready to be published...

or not...

less than 24 hours after publishing this, I came across this:

My mom, she tells a lot of lies
She never did before.
From now until the day she dies
She’ll tell a whole lot more.

She used to tell the truth a lot
But now it doesn’t matter.
I died and went to Heaven
Her life is all a shatter.

Ask my mom how she is
She’ll say, “Yes I’m fine!”
If that’s the truth then tell me
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my mom how she is
She seems to cope so well
She didn’t have a choice you see
Nor the strength to yell.

You think you know the feeling
But this cannot be
For even though you love me
You don’t as much as she.

She will smile and say,
“It’s okay, God has a plan”
But she will turn away and cry 
‘Cause she just can’t understand.

Tell a joke and she will laugh
But she is not okay
She wants to share a joke with me
But it will not be today.

I watch from here in Heaven
Her distress disturbs my peace
Will someone take care of her
Thus take care of me.

Someday she will feel better
“Yes I will” she lies
She knows this will not happen
Until the day she dies.

Ask my mom how she is
She’ll say “Thank you, good”,
She cannot tell how she is
Oh, how I wish she could.

Ask my mom how she is
“I’m well, I’m good and you?”
I’ll shake my head in heaven
It simply isn’t true.

She’ll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine
But if you ask how she is
She’ll lie and say just fine.

Her carnival is over
She’s stepped off the carousel
But to save you feeling badly
She’ll say, "thanks, all is well".

My mom, she’s not gone mad yet
But oh, so very nearly
Don’t ask my mom how she is
Ask how she is really

I am here in Heaven
I cannot hug her from here
If she lies don’t listen

Hug her, hold her near.
On the day we meet again
We’ll smile and I’ll be bold.
I’ll say, “You’re lucky to get in here mom,
with all the lies you told!”.

author unknown.


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